We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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