oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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