looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
