Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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