Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
