yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
