I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
