I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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