I have demons in me.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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