We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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