The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
3 2 1 whiskey
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
