My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
