Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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