i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
