Soap is not a condiment
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
