these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
