Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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