Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
