Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
