Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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