Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
