im drinking this country out of the recession.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
