My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
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LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize