Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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