why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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