I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
