I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
