Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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