Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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