From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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