this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You pole danced in your parka.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
