I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
