i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We just shotgunned beers for America
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
