I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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