you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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