so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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