why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
