never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
