May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
