I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
