can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
