i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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