This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
