yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
send nudes
from the living room?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
