whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
