Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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