Im at strip club and am horny
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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