hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I supernannyed him into submission
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
