oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
