would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
