THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
