You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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