I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
