Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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