We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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