Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
