when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
