im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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