Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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