If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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