I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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