I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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