i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't deserve a penis
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
