I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Semen is not good for contacts.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
