I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
