from now on my penis is your penis
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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