Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
