come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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