Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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