Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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