Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
